Why can't I stop thinking about relationships?

Ok, so Ayers tells us to build relationships with our students, and to embark on meaningful learning journeys alongside them.   Nakkula and Toshalis wrote in chapter one that it's important to determine where each student is at in order to have a productive meeting of the minds, and that we are co-authoring the lives of our students.  Smith says that we learn from people around us with whom we identify.  Kolb urges us to gain insight into learning styles in order to reach all students and guide them through each phase of the learning cycle. 
relationships
alongside
meeting of the minds
co-authoring
identify
gain insight
reach
guide
I've been hearing that learning is about relationships.  Maybe I'm fixated on this, and I'm trying too hard to stuff it into that nice, tidy, elegant box that I so want to tuck away in the "how students learn" compartment of my brain...but the idea was only furthered by this weeks reading of Nakkula and Toshalis:
"Imagine how our schools would be experienced by adolescents, immersed as they are in meaning-rich identity-searching experimentation, if we were to ask with genuine curiosity and care (rather than judgment and fear) why they chose that shirt, why that music, why that book, why these friends, why this hair, why that movie, why that food.  Adolescents want to talk about such things, and if we are fortunate and skilled enough to be trusted by them, such questions can lead us into pivotal conversations in the unfolding drama of crisis and possibility." (24-25)
I understand N & T are talking about assisting students in their quest for an identity, but you can't tell me that an adolescent attempting to figure out who she really is, is not going through a learning process.  The authors are addressing Erikson's Crisis with this quote, but how about this regarding Marcia's Commitment:
"It is possible and may even be beneficial for people to loop through the statuses multiple times throughout life, revisiting experiences and reconstructing decisions based on changing environments and relationships, possibly vacillating between statuses for years before emerging into a stable identity." (29)
trust
pivotal conversations
relationships
N & T conclude chapter two with "Youth do not enter particular identity statuses alone, nor do they negotiate them independently....development...is promoted interactively within all of the relational and opportunity contexts within which we exist." (39)

Unless I missed it, there wasn't much about academic learning in chapter two, but N & T drew parallels between risk taking/creativity and academics in chapter three.  Regarding pushing students beyond their comfort zones, N & T write, "powerful learning opportunities exist whenever we move beyond the safe and known." (43)
How do we know what is "safe and known" for a given student?  Build a relationship with them.  Determine their zone of proximal development by gradually challenging them.  Identify their learning styles and gently nudge them into disequilibrium.  Once teachers figure out how far they can push and challenge students mentally, they can engage in "meaningful activities...that serve not only the learning and thinking skills necessary for educational success but also a value system rooted in care, collaboration, and high achievement of various types.  The more transparent that value system is, the more clearly school scaffolding is constructed on adult-youth shared values, the more likely it is that educators can foster healthy development and reduce the magnitude and consequences of high-risk behavior" (56)
youth do not enter particular identity statuses alone
development is promoted interactively
transparency
shared values

Vygotsky, Bartsch, Jessor, Marcia, Erikson, Ayers, Nakkula, Smith

Relationships

Every time I have a new idea about learning, I sit and think about it and it always comes back to being possible only if a strong mutual relationship exists between teacher and student.  I feel like I may be zooming out way too far.    Someone tell me I'm zooming out too far.